by Brett Manero
Friendship is an amazing thing. True, bona fide friendship can also feel like an incredibly rare thing. Perhaps this is why St. Thomas Aquinas – arguably the greatest theologian in the history of the Church – famously says of friendship: “There is nothing more on this Earth more to be prized than true friendship. ” He also wrote that “Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.”
Friendship is one of the building blocks of life, so to speak. As with family, it is through friends that we grow, we learn about society and culture, and justice and love, and about hurt and forgiveness.
Friendship can also seem impossible sometimes. Why? Because humanity, while redeemed by Jesus Christ, is still so inclined to sin. People hurt others. Friends hurt others. Friends say absurd, hurtful things that cut to the core of a person. All of us are familiar with this. Friends can even betray, causing devastating consequences. King David understood this well when he writes in the hauntingly beautiful Psalm 55:
It is not an enemy who taunts me—
then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
then I could hide from him.
But it is you, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend.
We used to hold sweet converse together;
within God’s house we walked in fellowship. (Psalm 55:12-14)
It is amazing to think that the great King David – revered by so many in ancient Israel – experienced the bitterness of betrayal. This Psalm may be speaking about his conflict with King Saul, or a later friend who became a betrayer. It is also most certainly prophetic of the betrayal of Jesus Christ by Judas Iscariot, one of His twelve Apostles whom He referred to as His friend.
As Holy Week continues and we approach Holy Thursday and Good Friday, it seems more and more amazing every year that Jesus chose Judas despite knowing that He would eventually betray Him. Jesus is God and He still retains the divine knowledge that belongs to Him as God the Son. Holy Tuesday’s Gospel reading is the following:
Reclining at table with his disciples, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified,
“Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.”
The disciples looked at one another, at a loss as to whom he meant.
One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved,
was reclining at Jesus’ side.
So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant.
He leaned back against Jesus’ chest and said to him,
“Master, who is it?”
Jesus answered,
“It is the one to whom I hand the morsel after I have dipped it.”
So he dipped the morsel and took it and handed it to Judas,
son of Simon the Iscariot.
After Judas took the morsel, Satan entered him.
So Jesus said to him, “What you are going to do, do quickly.”
Now none of those reclining at table realized why he said this to him.
Some thought that since Judas kept the money bag, Jesus had told him,
“Buy what we need for the feast,”
or to give something to the poor.
So Judas took the morsel and left at once. And it was night. (John 13:21-30)
The fact that Jesus does not forcefully stop Judas is astounding. He continues to speak to him with respect and dignity. He allows Judas to do what he is going to do. Scholars have noted that symbolism of Judas departing the Last Supper and the fact that John records that with his departure, “it was night.” The devil had possessed Judas at this point, and his soul was deeply embedded in darkness at this point. And yet, Jesus still regards him as His friend.
Jesus says just as much when He speaks with the Apostles as His friends rather than His servants:
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)
It is amazing that God the Son Incarnate, Jesus Christ, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, regards humans as His friends. Humans are sinful, weak, so often so disloyal to Him and His goodness, Judas being a prime example of this. And yet He still regards us as His friends.
Friendship is indeed a beautiful thing. When found, it is to be treasured, for finding a friend is finding a treasure. As Sirach notes:
A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter:
he that has found one has found a treasure. (Sirach 6:14)
Human friendships will inevitably be disappointing, because we are all sinners, except for two of us – one who is God and the other who was immaculately conceived. But friendships are still so good when they are good, when they have a strong and pure foundation, when there is a healthy give and take, when there is a solid foundation. Toxic friendships are the opposite, and must be eschewed. But true friendships can be found and when they are, they are truly something to be prized, as St. Thomas Aquinas noted.
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